"Order early to avoid disappointment"

These words rang all to true to me recently, after anxiously awaiting my many-pocketed "Spy Jacket", which was going to all-but-replace the need for a purse. The phrase first made me chuckle having read it when applying for the Ceremony of Keys tickets; oh-so politely urging me to send in my dates of request, and to "Order early to avoid disappointment." How charming, those Brits, and so polite!

Well, we all know that the British have a different way of saying things than we Americans do, and the epiphany I had that fateful day last week upon opening my package was the American translation of that phrase to mean; "Get your sh** together, or your going to be sorry!", because sorry, I was.

I've had my eye on this jacket for many months, and in my effort of trying to be prudent about spending $120.00 (crazy, I know!) on a (really cool!) multi-purpose pocketed jacket (it's slimming, and the sleeves zip off!), I waited and looked around for something like it. After reading numerous reviews, deciding there was nothing like it (and there really isn't....), and after measuring myself three times, I finally bit the plastic bullet and ordered it. Now I couldn't get the brick colored one, so I settled with the cement color, but the good news is that after searching for a coupon code online, I saved $20 and shipping! I was feeling so ahead of the game, that is until it showed up last week.

"Order early to avoid disappointment" is an understatement, and charmed, I am not. This thing is HUGE! A smaller size is not going to help this situation, and of course I didn't order early enough to get a replacement, thus major disappointment on top of regular disappointment. I understand that you have to take into consideration the pockets and the items going into them, but really, this jacket could make an elephant look pregnant. Needless to say, I am very disappointed (I can hear you laughing from here, Lori!). This is not how it looked on the website - and they claimed it was slimming!

I have decided to put all vanity aside and post the pictures for you to see for yourself; just in case you're having one of those days where you need a good laugh (and just for the record, I am not pregnant...!). There was no way in H-E-double-hockey-sticks that I was going to trek around Europe even ONE day in this thing! After having already looked all over Tarnation for something like it, I knew then and there that it was time to institute Plan B. My pink two-pocketed Nike wind breaker would just have to do. Maybe I can add pockets? Nah, mesh inside. Oh well.

And so, like my bathing suit top that finally arrived on Tuesday with a nice big hole in it, my advice to anyone ordering items online is, "Get your sh** together early - very early!"

What exactly is slimming about this jacket?
My pregnant looking bottom half makes my arms look like sticks!
(just to reiterate, I am not pregnant!)